Days Like These.

white tank tops

dirty hair

clean teeth

no pants

no makeup

trace bundy

thunderstorms

homework

thinking of my boy

dreaming of chicago

rose petals

good morning.

m a k e   t o d a y   b e a u t i f u l

this season in life is weird.
it's not necessarily where i want to be, but i cannot imagine leaving yet.
i wish i were elsewhere, but i am grateful for the good things here. i needed them.
i want the next step ... season ... adventure ...
but there are things here that i will mourn when they are gone.
it's not my favorite, but i love it.


right now a song is playing ... its lyrics are perfect for me ...

i have decided, i have resolved to wait upon the Lord.
my rock & redeemer shall not be moved.
as surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us.
as certain as the dawn appears.




the word RESOLVED makes me think of being STEADFAST, which i read about yesterday morning:

                                to settle or find a solution;

                                      decide firmly on a course of action.

"Let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, 
lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously 
to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him as in faith, 
with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is drive 
and tossed by the wind." James 1:4-6

STEADFASTNESS: dutifully firm & unwavering.

how do i do all of this?
how do i resolve to be steadfast? how do i ask for wisdom from the One who gives generously? how do i have faith?

a few months ago when i was dealing with a situation and very worried and nervous and ridiculous, my oh-so-wise mama told me i was being silly. she reminded me that the Bible offers step by step instruction for people in my exact situation ...
this is the verse she quoted to me:


The Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by 
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving 
LET YOUR REQUEST BE KNOWN TO GOD.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
philippians 4:6 & 7

SUPPLICATION: to ask or beg for something earnestly or humbly.

there i have it. all laid out for me.
now it's my turn ... to accept grace & follow directions.

Through Your mercies I am not consumed.

Family Parties.

this weekend i turned 24 ... more specifics & other festivities to come

my whole family got together for a birthday din.
 my mom created a fabulous meal as always of all my favs ...
bruschetta, asparagus, roasted potatoes & carrots, baked chick, wine & lemonade. perfect!


here's everyone that i love:

 1 2 & 3:  him & i

 1.  daddy     2.  hulk carrying wounded babes to safety    3.  evie & i

1.  my brother & sister ♥     2. scrunch    3.  dog breath    4. funny sissys

1.  mama kisses    2. mom, ash, eve & britt with no eyes

1 2 & 3:  the cutest boy i'll ever know

Daddy's Birthday

parenthood.

something i know close to nothing about.


but i do know this ...  

mine did it right. 

they raised three pretty stinkin' good kids, if i do say so myself.

my older sister, younger brother, and i all have good minds, deep hearts, strong convictions, distinct personalities, big dreams, and a love for Christ that is real ... that we cannot escape. our love for Him is part of our identity, it's all of our identity, who we are. it is our essence. without Him in thought, theory, or word i am pretty sure that all three of us would be lost, unidentified,
& confused. 

MY DAD. 

the head of our home ... he lives and breathes for Truth.
he studies it and teaches it and pours it and himself into other people because he wants them to understand what they believe and read ... he wants them to meet the glory of God and know the depth of His words. he is smart. he is wise. he is not a push-over. he is a man who stands for Truth no matter the cost ...
his pride, his job, his reputation, his happiness, his comfort.

he doesn't care.
the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the single most important thing
to him and he does not waiver in his pursuit of knowing it better ...
and helping others to do the same.

one of the best lessons i have learned from my dad - something he has modeled for me throughout my whole life -
is to never be afraid to ask for forgiveness.
although he is the head of our home, the man, the leader, the Big Guy ...
my father has never shown a hesitancy towards coming to me, his child, to ask for my forgiveness.
 over the years i have come to realize that asking for forgiveness is never weak or foolish ... but it is the resemblance of Christ within one's own spirit, the searching for oneness and unity with his or her brothers and sisters through humility ...
it is biblical and honorable, to the core.
over the years i have come to cherish this lesson. to be able to go to someone i have wronged or offended or been harsh with and ask them to forgive me, to have mercy on me, to trust me again, to be tender with me ... that is a sweet and vulnerable thing ... and because i have had it modeled through my father  the figure of strength and power in my life  ... i can do it.




people all over the country cherish my father and his fervency for teaching & relaying Truth.
he is respected by hundreds of people as a spiritual leader and source of wisdom.
he is a biblical teacher and one who will never lose his love and search for knowledge.

he is my dad.
daddy.
padre.
i will know him forever.
i have a connection with him that will never die.
i cannot be separated from him ... no matter the distance, the conflict, the growing-up ...
i am his & he is mine.

forever.


and i am proud to belong to him.

Happy Birthday, Dad. 
sorry you're alone today  :(

And This Week ... Vacation.

my vacation started yesterday afternoon. 

my mom and i loaded up her little car, swiped through the panera drive-thru for turkey sandwiches, and hopped onto I55-N -- my favorite interstate around these parts because it means CHICAGO ... it means home. 

but we passed chicago right up and kept on 'til we pulled into the driveway of my grandparents charming small-town indiana home hidden right in the middle of 50 acres of woods and grass and deer and skunks and barns and creeks. my grandparents have the perfect grandma & grandpa home. its dreamy and charming and welcoming and comfy. 

i spent last night sitting and talking with them about life and movies and jewelry and seattle sutton diet heh and funny memories from when my cousins and i were little. they asked about school and my boyfriend and when i might move back into the area. my grams recently injured her knee, so she's hangin' out in a wheelchair for a few days. my aunt and two favorite cousins came over and all of us girls watched a movie dan in real life watch it, you'll love it while my gramps played on my mama's iPad. 

this morning i woke among six feathered pillows, beneath a heavy floral quilt, fan humming softly, and the dreery morning sunshine poking beneath the window shades ... satisfied by my rested body & mind. 

now i sit in the cafe of the local starbucks. 

towns that aren't home are some of the best places to be sometimes. no one knows me or wants to know me. 

people stare at my hair, and when i catch them they smile sheepishly and then turn and whisper to their friend. 

i kinda like it. it's silly. 

i can order my double tall soy latte with 1 raw sugar  and be whoever i want to be, write whatever i want to write, and not think about school work or chapters to read or schedules to make work or deadlines to meet or practices to make. 

i can sit in my grandparents back living room, surrounded by walls of window panes, the green, damp earth, trees, and patio's just outside and revel in the relaxation of their home and my history. 

familiar places are sweet.

nostalgia is refreshing and emotional.

the remembrance of one's history is rich. 

and although i am always creating my future, my past is where my spirit and confidence and boldness has grown from. 

my grandparents are the ones who raised my parents who raised me. 

those grassy fields and slate hallways are where i learned to love my family ... 

cherishing the spirituality and kindness and tradition that was constantly between us. 

tonight i'll go to chicago to have dinner with a good friend & spend the remainder of the weekend with HIM. i'll move from remembering who i am, to the part of life that is creating who i will be. 

life is rich. 

i am rich.

p.s.   walgreens shopping list: 

- razor

- pick up pictures

- new straightener

- tooth paste

- gum

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions -- 

the little soon forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, 

a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, and the countless infinitesimal of 

pleasurable and genial feeling.

samuel taylor coleridge

 

1. the yummiest truffles     2. my ♥ necklace, from HIM     3.4.5. the end of my pretty Easter bundle  

those flowers were so pretty i didn't want to be done with them. i loved that bouquet. 

yesterday my mom helped me prepare them to be pressed ... so now, those pretty little leaves & stems & colors are nestled between piles of books, waiting for me to come find them. i've never pressed flowers before. i'm excited to see what i can do with them and who i can send them to when they're ready. 

today, it's about the little things.

in other news ... tonight my boy is coming for a visit from chicago. yay. 

Wanna Know What Else I Did Last Weekend?

i saw The Civil Wars live in St. Louis ... 

with my greatest of friends - and cute boyfriend - after eating a cozy dinner at a local pub. 

a turkey melt, fried pickles, & lemon water, if you were wondering.

they were in-stinkin'-credible. 

i stood in awe of their tight harmonies, intriguing lyrics, killer MJ covers, & totally dreamy chemistry.

if you and you should youtube some live videos of their performances:

1st: you'll fall in love with their music.

2nd: you'll wish they were actually a couple, because it'd make them being this good of a band 

so. much. better. 

3rd: you'll wish you were joy williams because of how dainty & charmingly enjoyable she is. seriously. 

Easter post still to come.