Monday, January 17, 2011

Disentanglement: Step One.

i feel like there's a lot of pressure on me. 
i feel like things are hanging on the thread that's been involuntarily tied to my lips.
and when i speak - when i say the word - that's the final answer. 
that's what people will have been waiting for. 
i feel like everyone's watching and waiting and confusing me with their input. 
like i've got to figure Me out for their sake ... 
never for my own. 

i don't want to feel stressed out about pleasing everybody. 

i don't want to wound anyone in any way.

i don't want to push myself into something that doesn't fit. 

but i also don't want to miss out ...

or to be afraid. 

i want time. 
i want patience. 
i want honesty. 
i want real life. 
i want a relaxed afternoon on the couch to dwell in simplicity and to laugh and to be cozy ...
to feel connected to another spirit. 

i don't want shoes to fill or expectations.  
i don't want nerves or uncertainty. 
i don't want frustration or unease.
i don't want pressure or opinions. 
i don't want any of it for any party ... it ruins the goodness ... 
ruins the purity.

i want real thoughts to come out as sincere words. 
i want the freedom to just be.
i want safety. 
i want truth. 
i want someone to always be honest i love that word  and true to me ...
to not ever feel like they have to impress me or be something more. 

people, in their most honest form, are incredible; 
in.cred.i.ble: adj. impossible to believe; amazingly good or beautiful.
they have good thoughts, powerful fears & noble ambition. 

i want soft touches and meaningful glances ...
bold laughter and brave tears.

i think that ... all of that, together ... is love. 
but i'm not really sure. 
that's been my theme in life lately: NOT REAL SURE.

emotion and friendship and expectations and possibility 
and feelings and fallacies and attached strings and conscience ... 
all wrapped up into one ball make for a messy, confusing and slightly blissful journey. 

so, yeah ... i'll keep ridin'.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Life wouldn't be life if it weren't messy and confusing. We know this.
(Hence our huge and tear-wrought talk last night.)

Ride on.