Thursday, October 28, 2010

Untitled.

this week has been close to perfect.
i have discovered new music that lifts the spirit, mind & feet. i've spent time with every member of my family ... cuddled with babies, laughed with the sis, drank tea with the mama, and spent time with mi padre & my little brother. i've spent hours in my new perfect car (which i will post pictures of soon) listening to john mayer sing about sayin' goodbye & being perfectly lonely, while deep red leaves fell from above & freezing cold breezes pushed their way through the cracked window and down my neck, reminding me that it's fall ... the most cozy & romantic season of all. i've met, and been invited into the worlds of some amazing women who have unknowingly uplifted my downcast spirit and encouraged and shaped the vision for my future. i have become part of a community in my school that is fun and different and purposeful about loving and taking care of people. i've spent evenings home alone, thinking for hours about who i am, who i desire to become, how i might get there, and the kinds of people i hope come into my life to assist in my journey.

today i spent my afternoon at a women's shelter that i am doing some observation work at.  as i stood over a copy machine, scanning paper after paper, i chatted with some of the residents. while rocking babies in their laps and between cigarette drags and sips of sprite, they told their stories to each other ... stories of strength and brokenness. i heard words that expressed the emptiness of neglect, the ugliness of hatred and the distortion of mankind in ways that i never have before. my soul was heavy, my chest burning with grief for them, i wanted to sob with and for them ... but i was glad to hear about their lives. grateful that they didn't treat me like the outcast that i was ... the different one ... the one who's had an easy & simple life ... the one with the dress and the tights and the boots ... the one who doesn't get it. to me, their stories were gut-wrenching and deserving of praise and admiration. to them, it's just life ... just the way it is. they were funny and silly and contemplative and underestimated and possessing the kind of beauty that i have not seen in a very long time. that kind of beauty - the kind that's developed through trials and deep pain and suffering and a hard, hard life that's not masked by fear or pride - it's not easy to come by.

my favorite part of the day:
i held a breathtakingly beautiful baby boy. 
29 days old. perfect caramel skin. big pouty, pink lips. hazel eyes that shimmered in the afternoon sun. tiny adorable frizzy curls atop his mini head. we stood out on the porch together for what seemed to be a lifetime. he & i just looking at each other, examining the differences in one another, taking each other in. i think my blue eyes were a new site for him, he stared and stared and stared. i tucked his tiny little toes deep into his blanket and sang him a soft song while we swayed back and forth, back and forth. 
what a precious thing a child is. perfect and innocent and kind and unaware and new and fresh and forgiving. when given a quiet moment alone with one, a baby can almost always bring me to tears. children are a beautiful thing. they deserve to be protected and cherished and loved and desired more than anything else on this earth. they are the outpouring of a good and gracious God ... the way He chose to bless His people ... the ultimate gift and personification of love and intimacy. what a beautiful mind God has ... 
if only we could imitate Him more closely. 


this kind of raw reality is refreshing to me. it's days like these that make me feel the most ALIVE.
to see the Father's goodness around every corner is a tough task ... but when His grace allows me to do so, what a beautiful day it becomes. what a beautiful world i can see, that is groaning to be set free from pain and suffering, deceit and perversion ... to have its eyes unveiled. what beautiful people i notice, who are demeaned and rejected and hated. what a good and simple life i have, that has been sneered and poked fun at because it hadn't seemed to hold enough adventure or glamour or romance. what a wild and crazy vision i have, that has been clouded too long by foolishness, loneliness, and ignorant self-pity.
such good change has been waiting for me ... 
what a good revelation.  



as you come to Him, the living Stone
 - rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to Him - 
you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual 
house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual 
sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 
- 1 peter 2: 4&5-



now ... listen (on youtube) & LOVE

Monday, October 18, 2010

1st: Press Play ...

then read.


meet trace bundy.

i love him ... the past few days i have listened to his music on repeat for hours on end. i have no idea how he got into my iTunes ...  from one of my genius friends, i'm sure. i don't know who he is (am i crazy?) ... but i was doing a little cleaning out of my music library and i came across him ... clicked play ... as he played i leaned back in my chair and listened ... enthralled. 

i have two of his albums: 
Adapt & Missile Bell - Part 2

they're incredible. he's good, great, and so chill. 
plus, he does killer covers. 
i dig.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

West Coast Bound ... Once Again!

tonight i got a very super great, exceptionally awesome, totally exciting and joyful phone call from one of my favorite women in the world.


my girl, the lovely ms. amanda, is getting married ... 
to this fabulously kind & silly man:



i am so, so happy about it!
happy for her happiness. 
happy for their love. 
happy for their future.
happy for my dearest buddy & her very first sweetheart!



i am also mildly happy 
that, come april, i'll 
be headed for portland 
again ... bummer, huh?


Friday, October 15, 2010

The New September.

i think october is my new favorite fall month.
it used to be september ... but september in st. louey doesn't carry the autumn magic quite like chicago & minneapolis did. but within the last few weeks weather here has turned a corner towards perfect, sunny afternoons (although the high today was 80 again ... WHAT?!) and dull, chilly evenings that beckon me to pull on bulky sweaters and wool socks ... you know, the kinds of things that define fall. 

anyway, i am simply procrastinating the casting on of yet another paper that i have to write. so i'll leave you with these charming photos of my sister and her bebe ... one of the most charming boys i've ever known & loved.

 a fall afternoon, all dressed in blue, with my mama's garden as a backdrop ... perfection.



Sunday, October 3, 2010

Half Marathon #1

this morning involved a few nerves, drippy sweat, a little pain and a whole 'lotta pride.
this morning i ran in the Lewis & Clark Half Marathon.


i registered back in april during an enthusiastic, emotional high after the completion of my first race ever (which was, ahem, only 5 miles) ... frankly, i thought i could conquer the world. also, back in april, october 3rd felt like light-years away. i had pleeeenty of time to train, right? 

uh, no. 
it wasn't light-years ... it was only five months ... it was only 150 days ... it was today. 


the weather was perfect for a race. sunny with a high of 63 -- are you kidding, st. louis? bless your nasty little humid heart! i got to the race venue at 6:15am, drank some water, ate a chocolate chip CLIF bar yum, used the port-o-potty twice, stretched & took in the scene ... hundreds of people jazzed-up, leaning and bending, jogging in place, sipping and chewing on energy in a thousand different forms, pulling their hair back, putting deodorant in ungodly places, laughing, giggling, doubting themselves ... it was energizing & inspiring. in the midst of thousands of people who are preparing to do and accomplish something big for themselves is a very beautiful place to be. there is excitement and faith and fear and encouragement and fulfillment. 
there's an aura of success before the challenge even begins. 

we watched the sun rise together, went to our mile markers and waited for the gun shot. 


the shot sounded and we were off ... all 8,000 of us.

we trekked over blocked-off highways, and suburban streets ... through cornfields and across bridges.

it was a neat course, i really enjoyed it. it wasn't too tough, and not the easiest in the world. there were people cheering and music blaring from cars on the sidelines ... my favorite sign read, "IF IT WAS EASY EVERYONE WOULD DO IT." cute. true. uplifting in the middle of mile 7. 

i was pretty surprised that my adrenaline carried me at a 8min/mile pace through the whole first 6 miles, and then i decided i better take it easy. the rest is a blur. i ran and jogged and walked. mile 13 (the last one) was the longest stinkin' thing EVER. it would. not. end. and i wanted it to so badly. i was ready to be done. i slowed to a pretty lazy walk and an older woman jogged up beside me and said, "come on, sweetheart, you're almost there ... run."
and so i did. 
i ran, and my muscles liked it much better than my trudging steps. and so i ran a little faster, and then i saw the finish line ... so close, but so far away. i was discouraged again. i couldn't keep up a run that far. i jogged. i almost walked. wanted to walk. just about ready to walk ... and then i heard it ... my sister cheering my name. she was yelling for me. screaming her cute little scream, clapping, smiling. 
so i didn't walk. i ran faster ... passed a bunch of my weary teammates ... and zipped across the finish line.

the minute i finished!

proud mama ... delirious victor. 



my cheering section:


cutest cheerleader ... ever. 



so i did it. and now my legs are sore and achy, my appetite is through the roof & my pride is a bit more polished. i am very proud of myself, so glad i stuck with it and participated, and grateful that my mom & sister came to see and celebrate along with me.

half marathon: 13.1 miles
time: 3hrs 3min
avg. min/mile: approx. 14 min/mile

 i am so doing it again next year ... and i will beat my record, just so you know. 



Friday, October 1, 2010

Boy Crazy.


lately i have just been loving the male species.
they are great, aren't they? handsome & rugged ... charming & hilarious ... sensual & spiritual. every good looking, kind or unique boy that comes into my work place, i have been forced to acknowledge his fabulous-ness (whichever aspects it may contain) to my co-workers. they laugh at me, and i laugh at myself ... and then i think, "no, really ... this is not a joke ... he is perfect."

they're everywhere, these emmaculate male creations.
the one with the curly blonde hair and completely enthralling blue eyes who glides passed me in the university hallway every day ... the strong shouldered, tall one browsing the nature section of the library, gliding his perfect, veiny hands carefully across the books spines ... the one in H & M, whose pale blue shirt called praise to his chocolate skin and pulled flawlessly snug across his strapping biceps ... the shirtless, scruffy chested boy at the stop light? head over heels. oh, and what about the one this morning, with the full, perfect, scarlet lips who ordered a quad grande americano and left a $2 tip, what about him? yes, i think my heart flew through the roof.  


i have also been indulging in my love for the red-headed fella. if a cute boy also has red hair ... in this girls world,
he can do no wrong.
especially if he looks like this:


or sings like this boy:
brett dennen ... if you don't know him, meet him.


thank God for variation. it is fun and quirky and delightful to the human senses.


other things i'm a sucker for:
scruffy faces & beards (of the right consistency, of course)
shy smiles
kindness
birkenstocks
hairy chests
nice hands
sleeve tattoos
city bike riders
a towering stature
a soft, deep voice
big curly hair that i want to touch
wise, intelligent words on literature & philosophy
a big muscular chest beneath a thermal shirt on a fall day


make a girl crazy. 


due to endangerment of being deemed completely strange and totally disturbing, i must leave the depiction of this male beauty limited to hollywood examples and your imagination. and, here, my friends, is the ultimate beaut-of-all-beaut's in the world of fame:
don't deny ... johnny is master of celeb hottness. 



 sigh, i do love boys.