Too Busy to Think.

not a good thing when most of one's time is spent in a classroom, or supposed to be writing a paper, or creating a 25-source APA style reference page that's due ... ahem, tomorrow.

life feels like a big, noisy, over-crowded, sweaty, stinky high school party with body parts touching that aren't supposed to, with too much consumption of not-so-awesome substances, and lots of lame, offensive jokes and over-confident attendees. 

almost fun, but not really at all. 

i am in need of order & a schedule ... still. 

next week i will focus on simplifying.

POST EDIT:

that whole "high school party" thing was an analogy ...
 i don't typically dirty-dance with boys or get superbly 
wasted, that's not what i meant by all of that. my dirty dancing 
= too many people bombarding my life and personal space
 in too little time. my not-so-awesome substances = everyone 
else' attitudes and thoughts because i have no time to separate
 my own, consumption of lots of ugly music and not very 
encouraging conversation. the others are self explanatory.  

The Beautiful People Project

there are beautiful people everywhere. so many of them ... living interesting, different, peace-filled lives.

today i had some time and conversation with two really beautiful individuals. it's amazing how you can see the goodness of some people instantly ... you can just feel it. it's an aura, beauty is. i hope to be one of those types someday, where i introduce myself and people say to themselves, "she has a good heart ... she is kind ... she's got something." 

so, in honor of beautiful people everywhere, in honor of the ones who cross my path, i am beginning the "beautiful people project." when i meet or spend time with someone who inspires me or challenges me or makes me smile in a way that resonates with my soul, i will write about them here. short and simple, but a note of their individual contribution of beauty to the world ... and to my life.

beautiful person #1:

middle aged. short, spunky, spiraled hair, streaked with blonde and brown and red. flowy skirt and brown leather boots. i walked into the building of the nonprofit community organization that she runs and upon hearing her charming little voice peep out from a conference room full of people, "Alli baby!" i felt immediately connected, accepted, light-hearted and confident. i was there to see her ... the one everybody loved and was loved by, the one they respected and took their orders from. she's wild, and she speaks her mind no matter what ... it probably helps that her mind is full of love and grace and compassion, so it's pleasant to listen to, but she is well spoken of in any circle i've heard mention her name. she spends her days spending herself on the broken, weary and abused. she travels and laughs in abundance. even when she's tired and discouraged she greets others with a warm kiss and a tight embrace. she is good & beautiful ... through and through.

beautiful person #2:

his broad shoulders, rosey cheeks and kind eyes speak of the beauty within. he has fiery red hair and wears birkenstock sandals and sports ink across his thick chest that reads, "My Religion is Kindness."  during the 150 minutes i spend with him three days a week, he rarely loses his faint smile ... through the lectures, and the instructions on the next ten page paper we have to write, during the last hour of the school day, there it sits, pleasant, welcoming and a bit enticing ... that little smile.

he reminds me of Mother Teresa's challenge:

One ought to smile at five people every day that they normally wouldn't smile at. This will make a better world.

Alright ... I'm a Little Dirty.

here they are, four weeks old.

they're frizzy and itchy and the victims of many a' raised eyebrow ... and i love them. some days they are completely silly and terrible looking, and others they're funky & charming. i've been washing them once a week. seven days seems like an eternity when your head is itchy and flaky and begging to be cleaned ... so i'm going to start washing more often. (are you grossed out? ..sorry) other than that, i am simply waiting to see who they're going to turn into. i am taking hair & nail vitamins in hope that they'll grow a little quicker, and slather them in aloe vera every few days. on especially itchy days i mix coconut oil and a few drops of tea tree oil together and massage it into my scalp ... this process, my friends, is glorious. it's refreshing and relieving and smells heavenly. mmmmmm. 

about a week ago i was looking at them in the mirror after showering and noticed that quite a few of my hairs were coming out at the root, they are incorporated into the dreads, so they're still on my head, but definitely not connected. i panicked a little. i imagined all of my hair falling out at the roots ... and me going bald would not be a pretty site. i thought about giving up and having to cut them off. i am still not sure if that's normal or not, i should probably do a little research or contact someone, but my fear has subsided and everything's still intact   :)

also, i got referred to as a "hippy" for the first time the other day. 

hip·pie - noun

a person, esp. of the late 1960s, who rejected established institutions and values and sought spontaneity, direct personal relations expressing love, and expanded consciousness, often expressed externally in the wearing of casual, folksy clothing and of beads, headbands, used garments, and the taking of hallucinogenic drugs.

although i'm not much for LSD or ecstasy, and i don't necessarily participate in "free love" sexual activity ... i will gladly accept the other definers, especially the "values direct personal relations expressing love & expanded consciousness." yes, please, give me a little ... a lot ... of that!

that's all she wrote. 

Week.end: noun, regarded as a time for leisure

"laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face."

- victor hugo -

Day Sixteen.

that's today ... day sixteen of being home from vacation.
i have been living the life, but i have also been missing my friends a bit. not terribly - and believe me, somedays my yearning for them is painful. i just miss waking up, their warm, slumbering bods next to me, with anticipation of the joy that was to come of our day together. i miss our cups of gritty coffee in the morning & our salads for lunch & our wine for dinner & our cigarettes at midnight ... our laughs and jokes and the way we got on each others nerves.

us ... 5 years ago when we first met

i have spent the last two weeks basking in the goodness of my experiences with them. being grateful for them. shaking my head at our folly. yes, wishing i were closer to them, then shrugging my shoulders and knowing that things are the way they are so that we may all become.

us ... 17 days ago.

i have a few friends who are the most dear to my heart. these girls are God given, no body compares to them. i have lots of friends ... but these four are part of me. their words and laughter and souls are intertwined in my person ... their hand and foot prints impressed all throughout my life story. they are good and gracious and pretty and hilarious and funky and different and i will know & love them forever. they make & remind me of who i am.

my tina

my sissy

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul .... Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him.

1 Samuel 18:1-3

1 John: Love.

that which we have seen and heard we proclaim to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. and we are writing these things too so that our joy may be complete. 1 j. 1:3 & 4

God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. 1 j. 1:5

for this is the message the you have heard from the beginning ... 

that we should love one another. 1 j. 3:11

... we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 1 j. 3:16

let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 j. 3:18

beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 j. 4:7

so we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. by this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgement, because as he is so also are we in this world. 1 j. 4:16 & 17

how far i have strayed from the state of loveliness i ought to be in. what a beautiful thing, to spend time with God. THEE God ... one and only ... true, just & holy above all other things. 

Father, teach me to love ... You, the people around me, myself. You are faithful and good no matter what. Thank you. It is well with my soul. None can deny your goodness. Not one. Not even the trees or the bushes can deny Your glory. They dance and create the music of nature in awe of You. You abide in all things ... even the seemingly ugly, You are there. You are full of grace for me. Why? Thank you. Fix me. Renew me. Revive me. Teach me. Make me Your own. Take the nasty & make it graceful and kind. 

Amen.