The Day Before Friday the 13th.

today, i prep for vacation.

today i paint my finger & toenails.

today i gather cute shoes, head wraps, fun dresses, lacey pajama shorts, and flight itineraries and stuff them into bags.

today i pay my school bill, so my fall semester will be waiting for me when i get back.

today i do 2 loads of laundry.

today i check my bank account & calculate how much money i ought not to spend, but totally will.

today i clean up my bedroom so i don't return to a disorganized disaster and a dirty bed.

today, everywhere i go, i skip ... because i get to see my two best, best, best friends tomorrow at 6pm when my plane lands at the Portland International Airport.

what a day.

My Crew.

i have some of the most interesting friends. they are scattered across the country - some throughout the world - and the list of them isn't terribly long ... but they are mine. they are the ones who know me for me. they have experienced the good, bad, mean, terribly ugly, super annoying, and painfully funny alli turner. some i haven't seen in years ... and even still, when my phone rings at 8:13 in the morning and their name flashes across my screen, i don't hesitate even a second to accept the call and talk and talk and talk about love, life, vices, pain, memories, new places, government conspiracies, new projects, new boys (and girls), new jobs, new cars, new hair, new pets, discouragements, loneliness, family and ... everything.

i love them.

with the deepest affection i have yet given to anyone in this world (along with my family), i love them. they brighten my spirit when i am sad and lonely. they show me that i am not crazy or alone in my thoughts and memories and beliefs. most of all, they remind me of who i am. when i have been living in the midst of struggle and neglect of my real self ... i can speak with or spend time with one of them, and when i hang-up or drive away i think, "oh yeah, that's me. that's the alli i want to be. that's who i really am. they are the ones i know and love ... the ones who know and love me." and all is right in the world.

this morning i spoke with one of these friends.

we haven't seen each other in over 2 years. he called me and provided me with the perfect way to start my day ... laughs and a reminder that there are people out there who i fit with. when the conversation ended i was flooded with hundreds of memories of our time spent together living in italy. what silly, fun, hilarious and incredibly meaningful memories they are.

we've spoken lots of times throughout the five years that we've been friends. we've made trips and had sleepovers and eaten short dinners together. it's interesting to see the different phases of life that people go through. to see and talk with them over the years and see how their thoughts and life philosophies and happiness changes. this time he was happy. a true kind of happy. i could hear it inside of him. he is one of the smartest people i know. he knows so much about so much and never shys away from sharing his knowledge. i love hearing him talk about things. he is passionate and intense about things that matter, and never makes me feel foolish for not understanding. he's ever-ready to explain and break things down so others can understand his ideas. he is confident in who he is and his person never changes ... he is steady and reliable. he is the furthest thing from judgmental that i have ever known in a person. he accepts and loves people and will share and talk for hours with anyone who will be real with him. he values those he loves beyond everything else.

he is good ... to the core.

i love him.

thanks, benj, for being my friend.

there are a few more members of My Crew.

in t-minus 3 days i will be vacationing in portalnd, oregon with two more of them.

The Beauty of Alone.

Bittersweet.

i hate the times ... days, weeks, hours...that i discover the nasty in my life. when a polished, fun-loving layer is peeled back to reveal a dirty, insecure, confused mass that needs some serious work in order to set my mind, body and soul straight. my spirit feels heavy and my ideas and hope are weak. it is a miserable state.

the worst part:

my lack of spiritual upkeep is to blame.

my forgetfulness and laziness is to blame.

my desire for false acceptance & adventure is to blame.

my unfaithful nature is to blame.

i am to blame.

the best part:
i recognize it.

i feel it.

i hate it.
i open my Bible and find things like this...

"He is the radiance of the glory of God ... the exact
imprint of His nature, and He upholds the
universe by the word of His power." hebrews 1:3

"the Spirit of the Lord is upon me ... He has
sent me to bind up the broken hearted and to
proclaim liberty.... To grant those who mourn a
beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the
garments of praise instead of a faint spirit."
isaiah 61:1-3

"walk as children of light." ephesians 5:9

"no, in all these things we are more than
conquerors through Him ... neither death nor
life, nor angels or rulers, nor things present nor
things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation will be able to
separate us from the love of God in
Christ Jesus our Lord." romans 8:37-38

and then i remember that i have a God that, for some odd reason, will NOT let go of me. i feel as if He chases after me...hard. as i'm running fast against the wind and the rain away from Him, looking shamefully, tearfully, angrily over my shoulder to see if He's catching up, He always is. and then His forearm slings roughly around my waste and jerks me backward...back into truth. it's like i can't escape Him.

and i am thankful. thankful. thankful.

for His grace and persistence and relentless love.

i am not worthy, but am still a recipient.
for He is good.

I Wanna...

party on the beach. 

laugh 'til it hurts with best buds.

marvel at the power, peace, & majesty of my God. 

run, run, run, run, run.

buy cute, over-priced skirts. 

not fix my hair. 

paint my nails grey.

listen to brett dennen as i cruise the highway towards chicago.

None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds.

number six from this list is in the works...

i am excited & stinkin' nervous about simplifying my life in this way. it will be SO different. aren't they amazing though? mine will take a very long time to get to these lengths. 

i've heard that dreads are a journey...i am ready to embark.

p.s. none of these are my pictures. 

they've all been found on the internet during 

"research"... no one sue me. 

The Perfect Summer.

concerts are the perfect summer activity.

my brother & i at Dave Matthews

baseball is the perfect summer sport. 

 

due to the generosity of my native-STL friends, i am attempting to learn the fine art of being a Cards fan (i'm not doing very well).

a water gun fight is the perfect summer brawl.

my brother-in-law annihilating me at our Father's Day water fight

WICKED is the perfect summer musical.

my brothers girlfriend & i had a night out on the town...dinner & broadway

the porch is the perfect summer hangout.

niece & nephew <3

sushi is the perfect summer food.

... with bruschetta coming in at a CLOSE second.

john legend's voice & piano create the perfect summer tunes.

 

evening concert in a park beneath the STL arch

independence day is the perfect summer holiday.

best friends are the perfect things to share a perfect summer weekend with.

one of my greatest friends & confidants...tina 

the one who knows, loves, & cracks me up the best... my sister

the city is the perfect place for summer to take place.