Daddy's Birthday

parenthood.

something i know close to nothing about.


but i do know this ...  

mine did it right. 

they raised three pretty stinkin' good kids, if i do say so myself.

my older sister, younger brother, and i all have good minds, deep hearts, strong convictions, distinct personalities, big dreams, and a love for Christ that is real ... that we cannot escape. our love for Him is part of our identity, it's all of our identity, who we are. it is our essence. without Him in thought, theory, or word i am pretty sure that all three of us would be lost, unidentified,
& confused. 

MY DAD. 

the head of our home ... he lives and breathes for Truth.
he studies it and teaches it and pours it and himself into other people because he wants them to understand what they believe and read ... he wants them to meet the glory of God and know the depth of His words. he is smart. he is wise. he is not a push-over. he is a man who stands for Truth no matter the cost ...
his pride, his job, his reputation, his happiness, his comfort.

he doesn't care.
the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the single most important thing
to him and he does not waiver in his pursuit of knowing it better ...
and helping others to do the same.

one of the best lessons i have learned from my dad - something he has modeled for me throughout my whole life -
is to never be afraid to ask for forgiveness.
although he is the head of our home, the man, the leader, the Big Guy ...
my father has never shown a hesitancy towards coming to me, his child, to ask for my forgiveness.
 over the years i have come to realize that asking for forgiveness is never weak or foolish ... but it is the resemblance of Christ within one's own spirit, the searching for oneness and unity with his or her brothers and sisters through humility ...
it is biblical and honorable, to the core.
over the years i have come to cherish this lesson. to be able to go to someone i have wronged or offended or been harsh with and ask them to forgive me, to have mercy on me, to trust me again, to be tender with me ... that is a sweet and vulnerable thing ... and because i have had it modeled through my father  the figure of strength and power in my life  ... i can do it.




people all over the country cherish my father and his fervency for teaching & relaying Truth.
he is respected by hundreds of people as a spiritual leader and source of wisdom.
he is a biblical teacher and one who will never lose his love and search for knowledge.

he is my dad.
daddy.
padre.
i will know him forever.
i have a connection with him that will never die.
i cannot be separated from him ... no matter the distance, the conflict, the growing-up ...
i am his & he is mine.

forever.


and i am proud to belong to him.

Happy Birthday, Dad. 
sorry you're alone today  :(

And This Week ... Vacation.

my vacation started yesterday afternoon. 

my mom and i loaded up her little car, swiped through the panera drive-thru for turkey sandwiches, and hopped onto I55-N -- my favorite interstate around these parts because it means CHICAGO ... it means home. 

but we passed chicago right up and kept on 'til we pulled into the driveway of my grandparents charming small-town indiana home hidden right in the middle of 50 acres of woods and grass and deer and skunks and barns and creeks. my grandparents have the perfect grandma & grandpa home. its dreamy and charming and welcoming and comfy. 

i spent last night sitting and talking with them about life and movies and jewelry and seattle sutton diet heh and funny memories from when my cousins and i were little. they asked about school and my boyfriend and when i might move back into the area. my grams recently injured her knee, so she's hangin' out in a wheelchair for a few days. my aunt and two favorite cousins came over and all of us girls watched a movie dan in real life watch it, you'll love it while my gramps played on my mama's iPad. 

this morning i woke among six feathered pillows, beneath a heavy floral quilt, fan humming softly, and the dreery morning sunshine poking beneath the window shades ... satisfied by my rested body & mind. 

now i sit in the cafe of the local starbucks. 

towns that aren't home are some of the best places to be sometimes. no one knows me or wants to know me. 

people stare at my hair, and when i catch them they smile sheepishly and then turn and whisper to their friend. 

i kinda like it. it's silly. 

i can order my double tall soy latte with 1 raw sugar  and be whoever i want to be, write whatever i want to write, and not think about school work or chapters to read or schedules to make work or deadlines to meet or practices to make. 

i can sit in my grandparents back living room, surrounded by walls of window panes, the green, damp earth, trees, and patio's just outside and revel in the relaxation of their home and my history. 

familiar places are sweet.

nostalgia is refreshing and emotional.

the remembrance of one's history is rich. 

and although i am always creating my future, my past is where my spirit and confidence and boldness has grown from. 

my grandparents are the ones who raised my parents who raised me. 

those grassy fields and slate hallways are where i learned to love my family ... 

cherishing the spirituality and kindness and tradition that was constantly between us. 

tonight i'll go to chicago to have dinner with a good friend & spend the remainder of the weekend with HIM. i'll move from remembering who i am, to the part of life that is creating who i will be. 

life is rich. 

i am rich.

p.s.   walgreens shopping list: 

- razor

- pick up pictures

- new straightener

- tooth paste

- gum

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions -- 

the little soon forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, 

a kind look, a heartfelt compliment, and the countless infinitesimal of 

pleasurable and genial feeling.

samuel taylor coleridge

 

1. the yummiest truffles     2. my ♥ necklace, from HIM     3.4.5. the end of my pretty Easter bundle  

those flowers were so pretty i didn't want to be done with them. i loved that bouquet. 

yesterday my mom helped me prepare them to be pressed ... so now, those pretty little leaves & stems & colors are nestled between piles of books, waiting for me to come find them. i've never pressed flowers before. i'm excited to see what i can do with them and who i can send them to when they're ready. 

today, it's about the little things.

in other news ... tonight my boy is coming for a visit from chicago. yay. 

Wanna Know What Else I Did Last Weekend?

i saw The Civil Wars live in St. Louis ... 

with my greatest of friends - and cute boyfriend - after eating a cozy dinner at a local pub. 

a turkey melt, fried pickles, & lemon water, if you were wondering.

they were in-stinkin'-credible. 

i stood in awe of their tight harmonies, intriguing lyrics, killer MJ covers, & totally dreamy chemistry.

if you and you should youtube some live videos of their performances:

1st: you'll fall in love with their music.

2nd: you'll wish they were actually a couple, because it'd make them being this good of a band 

so. much. better. 

3rd: you'll wish you were joy williams because of how dainty & charmingly enjoyable she is. seriously. 

Easter post still to come.

Wordless Weekend.

 

the end. 

Easter post to come.

Sealed With a Kiss.

i think i am going to start sending things through the mail more often. 

letters ... flowers ... packages.

i love the idea. getting things in the mail is charming and strangely exhilarating.
hand written letters are intimate. unexpected bouquets are beautiful & uplifting. brown boxes full of things BIG and small are guaranteed to make anyone's day. 

i almost sent out some killer packages this Christmas to my greatest girlfriends. 

they would've included elegant bar soaps and funky, handmade blessing baskets and cutesy fabric wraps and huge blocks of chocolate and a series of paintings i made for the four of us to share.  

and then ... i didn't.

i sorted and stacked the items into their own boxes and pushed them aside to be sent another day ... and then i just didn't send them. lame. 

i always have good great intentions.

so ... i am going to start. 

beginning today APRIL 12TH.2011 i will send one thing to one friend, 

family member, church member, or boyfriend singular each month. 

i will, it's true. one thing a month. that's not hard. i'll do it, and i'll document it. 

 ... i have 18 days before my first deadline.

Portland 2.0

our home away from home. 

with sweet surprise notes, good reading material, cozy lion sleeping buddies, & early morning cappuccinos

... all compliments of our beautiful host, of whom i haven't but one picture  :(

 my girls.

the sole reason for my trip ... my dear friend's wedding.

we had massages, giggle-fests, & perfect afternoons full of wedding planning & rehearsal busyness.

 

nights of crazy.

we had lots of donuts & fun this night ... my friend, david, & i.  

this weekend i witnessed a best friend make a lifetime commitment to another human. 

i witnessed her in love ... and i am honored & blessed to have been at her wedding. 

i love her. she is a dear friend & she has an impeccable soul. 

this weekend i spent time with a friend that i haven't seen in years. 

i got some much needed closure & understanding. i got hilarious memories & honest conversation. 

this weekend i was the recipient of a whole lotta love, hospitality, wise words, & humor. 

the home i stayed in was peaceful & kind ... it had a healthy and welcoming spirit, where weary minds and souls were invited to relax, laugh, eat, discuss, contemplate, and just be.
when i have one, i hope my home can offer that kind of atmosphere to my loved ones. 

another successful west coast trip, full of goodness, is tucked safely under my belt.